The other day saw yet another grant application turned down. The funder made the valid observation that the project is new, and so might not run quite as planned. They could not say yes to everyone, and had safer options to back. Quite rightly for them, they invested where they could see the best return.
The project in question has been brewing for some time. Over the past six months I've invested time, effort and built a team able to deliver sustainable change. The beneficiaries, young adults with learning disability, are one of the hardest to help groups in our society. They deserve the opportunity to work and live as normal a life as possible. But that will never be achieved without some degree of risk.
So many of the factors that can deliver success are currently and uniquely aligned. This makes it difficult to follow my head and stop trying. You only have to meet one of the few from this group who has found a job, to feel yourself emotionally drawn to help others do the same. And if you're at all human, heart always wins over head.
But the down side of yet another rejection is a bad attack of campaigner's cramp. Whilst your logical self can rationalise the situation, you mental health takes a knock. Negative thoughts ricochet round your brain like bullets in a steel drum.
I know that I won't give up; this is just another hurdle to be crossed. But I also know I need to make time for myself as well. I need to recover from my current bout of campaigner's cramp to free up my imagination to plan the way ahead.